Can I Marry a Corporation?

Dear Rich: The Supreme Court says that corporate entities are the same as people, right? So if that's the case, can I marry a corporation? I have a real crush on one and would like to pop the question. We have a feeling you're kidding but since the Dear Rich staff has a near-empty mailbag, we'll provide an answer anyway. In all 50 states, corporations are free to marry each other but marriage with real people is still taboo. The problem is that when the Supreme Court granted "corporate personhood" to corporations, it failed to convert incorporated entities into the kind of natural person you can date and marry (though we suppose you could work out some kind of arrangement with a one-person corporation). In any case, even if personhood was the same as peoplehood, most states are hung up on male-female marriage, and the Supreme Court failed to assign a gender to corporations. (If Apple was a person, would it be a man or a woman?) Of course, in states that permit same-sex marriage, this is not likely to be an issue.